Emotional support

People react in different ways when they learn they have cancer. Feelings can be muddled and change quickly. This is quite normal and there's no right or wrong way to feel.  It may be helpful to talk about your feelings with your partner, family members, friends, or with a counsellor, social worker, psychologist or your religious/spiritual adviser. Talking to other people with cancer may also help.

It is usually best to tell your family and your closest friends about your cancer sooner rather than later. Some people worry that older people in the family or children will not cope with the news. But if you do not tell your family, they will probably know that something is wrong and then think things are much worse than they are.

Sometimes you may find your friends and family do not know what to say to you: they may have difficulty with their feelings as well. Some people may feel so uncomfortable they avoid you. They may expect you to lead the way and tell them what you need. You may feel able to approach your friends directly and tell them what you need. You may prefer to ask a close family member or friend to talk to other people for you. 

Anyone you tell needs time to take it in and to come back with his or her questions and fears - just like you. You can help them to adjust, just as they can help you. But remember that while you are having treatment your needs should come first. If you do not feel like talking, say so.

If there are practical things they can do to help, say so. If you cannot cope with any more visitors, say so. Some friends are better at doing something practical to help than they are at sitting and talking. Some find it so difficult that they may stop visiting for a while. Everyone is different.

Talking to children

How much you tell children will obviously depend on how old they are. Young children need to know that it is not their fault. They also need to know that you may have to go into hospital. Slightly older children can probably understand a simple explanation of what is wrong.

Adolescent children can obviously understand much more. All children need to know what will happen to them while you are in hospital - who will look after them and how their daily life will be affected. Sometimes children rebel or become quiet. Keep an eye on them or get someone else to, and get help if you need it, for example, from the school counsellor or a hospital social worker.

Cancer Society services

The Cancer Society provides confidential information and support.

The Cancer Information Service is a Cancer Society service where you can talk about your concerns and needs with specially trained nurses. Call your local Cancer Society and speak to support services staff or phone 0800 800 426.  Local Cancer Society centres offer a range of services for people with cancer and their families. These may include:

• Volunteer drivers providing transport to treatment
• Accommodation
• Support and education groups
• Volunteer support visitors.

The range of services offered differs in each region so contact your local centre to find out what is available in your area.

Cancer support groups

Cancer support groups offer mutual support and information to people with cancer and their families. It can help to talk with others who have gone through the same experience. Support groups can also offer many practical suggestions and ways of coping. Ask your hospital or local Cancer Society for information on cancer support groups in your area.

Financial assistance

Help may be available for transport and accommodation costs if you are required to travel some distance to your medical and treatment appointments. Your treatment centre or local Cancer Society can advise you about what sort of help is available.  Financial help may be available through your local Work and Income New Zealand office (WINZ).

WINZ (0800 559 009) has pamphlets and information about financial assistance for people who are unable to work. Short-term financial help is available through the Community Wage and longer-term help is provided through the Invalids Benefit. Extra help may be available; for example, accommodation supplements and assistance with medical bills.

Home care

Nursing care is available at home through district nursing or your local hospital - your doctor or hospital can arrange this. You may be entitled to assistance with household tasks during your treatment. For information on the availability of this assistance contact your hospital social worker or the District Nursing Service at your local hospital.

Interpreting services

New Zealand's Health and Disability Code states that everyone has the right to have an interpreter present during a medical consultation. Family or friends may assist if you and your doctor do not speak the same language, but you can also ask your doctor to provide an interpreter if using family members is inappropriate or not possible.

What can I do?

Many people feel there is nothing they can do when they are told they have cancer. They feel out of control and helpless for a while. However, there are practical ways you can help yourself:

Diet: A balanced nutritious diet will help to keep you as well as possible and cope with any side effects of treatment. For more information on your diet, see Eating well when you have cancer

Exercise: Research has indicated that people who remain active cope better with their treatment. The problem is that while too much exercise is tiring, too little exercise can also make you tired. It is important to find your own level. Discuss with your doctor what is best for you.

Relaxation techniques: Some people find relaxation or meditation helps them to feel better. The hospital social worker or nurse will know whether the hospital runs any programmes, or may be able to advise you on local community programmes.

Seek advice from health professionals

If you feel uncomfortable or unsure about your treatment, it is important that you discuss any concerns with those involved in your care including your general practitioner.

Related topics

How does cancer form? For information on cancer and its causes, see What is cancer? What causes cancer? 

What should I ask the doctor? For suggestions about what you need to know, see Questions to ask your doctor when you have cancer

What about food and cancer treatment? For advice about your diet, see Eating well when you have cancer

What about sex if you have cancer? For information about how sexual practices may be affected, see Cancer and sex

Original material provided by the Cancer Society of New Zealand, 2002. Reviewed by everybody, January 2005.